In this first episode of the CX CoP, we spoke to Monica Suber-Duffy, business coach and certified yoga instructor, on wellness strategies in times of change.

In this conversation, we explored how to navigate change with resilience and intention, centering on the power of self-compassion, mindfulness, and personal transformation. We talked about giving ourselves grace—treating ourselves with the same kindness we’d offer a friend.

Monica shared the A.C.T. method—Awareness, Acknowledgment, and Tenderness—as a simple yet powerful way to practice self-compassion. We also discussed mindfulness as a tool to help us stay present and cultivate resilience, whether through meditation, yoga, deep listening, or everyday activities. Below, find a condensed version of the CX CoP’s inaugural conversation.

Aaron:

Monica, thank you for joining us in this inaugural edition of our new CoP. If you’ll forgive me just this one chance to do a mission statement - we’ve come together because it is our sincerest belief that people are their best when connected to others. That’s why you’re here, you do good with others, and we’re talking about people in times of great change, some of it potentially traumatic.

Many of the people here are friends, former colleagues or saw us on Social media. I’d like to share that this Community of Practice does not identify with any specific practice and is designed to provide participants with tools and resources to navigate change with resilience and intention. We encourage each attendee to help create a safe space in terms of allowing each attendee’s experience to remain their own. If for any reason you feel uncomfortable, unsafe, or anxious during the session, we encourage you to stop and gather yourself and return when you are ready.

So let’s start out. Monica, can you please tell us what your definition of “giving yourself grace” means?

Monica:

Thank you so very much for inviting me here to join you, Aaron and Ana. It is a great honor and I am humbled by this opportunity, especially given it’s your first!

You said that people are at their best when connected to others. I couldn’t agree more. In today’s talk, I want people to consider connecting with themselves better - creating more self awareness - so they can connect with others as their very best self! Now, I’m not a therapist, so I am speaking from my personal perspectives here. What I am is a business and wellness coach.

What this phrase means to me is treating yourself like you would treat a friend when the same thing is happening to them. How are you dealing with your suffering?

You might be feeling depressed or really angry right now at yourself, and/or at others.

You may have these negative thoughts playing on repeat in your mind. These take you further into a downward spiral that is unproductive and unhealthy for yourself and others around you.

Would you ever say to a friend the things you say to yourself? If not, it’s time to start giving yourself grace.

Aaron:

What is the first guiding or rule of thumb you want to emphasize, the one thing anyone should try?

Monica:

Be self-compassionate. This is really what giving yourself grace is really all about. May I ask everyone to do something for me right now?

I want you to take a few moments to think about a time in which you did something you were NOT proud of, and thoughts started going into repeat on how awful you were for doing that something. Maybe that was something recent. Maybe it was something that wasn’t so recent but you still remember it vividly.

Now, I’d like to guide you through a self-compassion meditation using what I call A.C.T. with self compassion.

A.C.T. – Awareness, Confirmation (Acknowledgment), Tenderness (Loving-kindness) “ACT with self-compassion.”

Aaron:

I like your advice, I probably like others here and am often my own worst critic. So you’re giving me a way to sidestep that impulse. I imagine it’s easier said than done, self compassion takes practice and tools. Where do I learn more?

Monica:

There are lots of tools and resources you can go to for support:

I am very fortunate that I have what is called my Personal Board of Directors. These are people who come from my family, friends who are my chosen family, spiritual advisors and therapists, coaches, mentors, etc.

I encourage you to seek out your Personal Board of Directors-those who uplift and support you - can be one of your greatest tools for resilience.

Just a heads-up - these are some of my personal favorites in this space! I have no business ties with them, just big respect for their work: Tara Brach, Dr. Kristin Neff, Jack Kornfield, and of course, Brené Brown.

What makes them good to me is that they demonstrate vulnerability in their work. They share about their personal experiences with difficult times in their lives, and how they traversed those times to become resilient. If people are not vulnerable, how can we relate to them? We have to demonstrate our own humanity, and connectedness.

The resources I have shared however work well for me personally because I connect in some way to each of them. You must find what tools and resources work best for you!

Aaron:

So one of the things that worked for you was yoga right? Tell us about that discovery. My understanding is you went about it in a way that allowed you to unpack a lot of notions that people may have going into something like yoga.

Monica:

Yes! I found meditation before I found yoga. One of my first supervisors taught me mindful walking while in a beautiful garden in Bangkok, Thailand. This was nearly 20 years ago now!

About two years later I discovered yoga while I was hosting a spiritual retreat for my Peace Corps volunteer cohort in The Center for Peace in Suchitoto, El Salvador. We gathered folks from every major religion represented in El Salvador to learn about them, and foster inter-religious dialogue and promotion of peace. One of my volunteer friends did a yoga class, and it was my “coming home” to self compassion, and connection with humanity and my higher power.

Aaron:

Peeking behind the curtain, I’ve been doing yoga for about 8 years. And I’m a country boy whose hobbies include pro wrestling and bad pizza. So not who most people would imagine. But it means I’m familiar with the wide variety of types of yoga. [What types of yoga can you recommend to folks?]

Monica:

Thanks for sharing a bit about yourself. I just learned that about you recently, so thank you for sharing it here!

I can’t say that one type of PHYSICAL pose yoga practice is going to be for a certain persona or another.

We have to remember that yoga means to “Yoke - or unite - mind, body, and spirit.” In the West, we know Yoga to be the physical poses (i.e. Hatha Yoga); however, it is a collection of practices; often in a yoga class you will experience more than just the poses (without knowing it until now!):

Karma Yoga (path of selfless practice)

Bhakti (path of devotion)

Jñana (i.e. yoga of the mind, of wisdom and the path of the sage or scholar)

Japa (path of mantra repetition)

Raja (investigation of the mind, how it works and tools to learn to control it)

Aaron:

Let’s go back to self compassion - Dr Niff has three elements of self compassion. 1-mindfulness over self identification. 2-Self-kindness vs self judgement. 3-Common humanity vs isolation. Take us through these three elements.

Monica:

Mindfulness to me is the experience of connecting to my mind, body, and spirit and noticing without judgment what I’m saying to myself. To me this comes often through mindfulness meditation, and Transcendental Meditation.

Self kindness is making a conscious choice to speak to myself in kind ways, rather than in critical ways.

The common humanity part is knowing that we are not alone in this. Others experience the same things, and that helps me be vulnerable to share my own experiences, so that others feel comfortable sharing in theirs.

Aaron:

Do they typically happen in order? Is there one you find particularly hard?

Monica:

Whenever I’m going through these tough times, I intentionally talk to myself in that order: Mindfulness, self-kindness, and common humanity…but that doesn’t mean it has to for you. I would say mindfulness needs to always be first because it’s your gateway into improved self awareness; however, the other two don’t have to (IMHO).

Aaron:

So mindfulness is tricky. I want to find to give you a quote we can reflect on:

Once you get there, it becomes a matter of understanding that you’re there, you accept that you’re there and you don’t try to realise that you’re there. It’s a very tough balance because any moment can take you out of that zone, […] that flow where nothing else matters; Nothing else is important other than what I am doing in this moment and time, and it’s a beautiful feeling. - Kobe Bryant

This quote is describing being in the “zone”. That sports phenomenon where it all just clicks. Sounds like mindfulness doesn’t it? Tell me about that balance.

Monica:

Kobe was amazing, and may God rest his soul. He had a daily meditation practice, and he shared that with the world. Meditation can help you increase focus, improve productivity, increase creativity, and so much more! When I practice yoga, I am in this moving meditation state where I feel at peace. Not every class takes me there. Not every sitting on my meditation cushion takes me there…and that is OK.

Aaron:

Thanks so much for joining us Monica, where can people find you and what should they reach out to you for?

Monica:

Folks can find me on LinkedIn, Instagram, or YouTube.

https://www.linkedin.com/in/monicasuber/

https://www.instagram.com/monicasuberduffy/

https://www.youtube.com/@MonicaSuber-Duffy

As Winston Churchill once said, “Perfection is the enemy of progress.” This is the first time I’ve actively worked with social media other than my personal Facebook account, so I’m learning as I go and thank everyone for their patience, and always welcome constructive feedback and / or their advice!

Final thoughts from Monica:

Change is inevitable, but how we transition through it is where our power lies. Naming our emotions, leaning on our Personal Board of Directors, and understanding that healing and growth aren’t linear can help us move forward with greater ease and clarity.

Above all, remember: You are enough. You are not alone. And you have the strength within you to navigate any change life brings your way.

Thank you for having me, and I look forward to continuing the conversation!